Why Am I Up This Early?
Stupid mother. I wasn’t ready to wake up. :l.
I was texting C——. Look at that look on my face. Half sad. Half pissed-as-fuck. that’s how you always made me feel. Was I ever even happy with you?
Just so you know. I wasn’t flirting with Zach that night. You got mad for no reason. You seem to do that alot.
There’s no way out.
Looks like I’ll be stuck in this reject town forever. Hooray for slowly wasting days in a place where your not even happy.
I’m still wearing your ring.
I’m wearing the bracelets and necklace you gave me too, but the ring is my favorite. You say it was your Grandmothers, and that you wanted me to have it. When you said that, my mouth just dropped open. I was having a crappy day already, because of boyfriend troubles, when you turned it all around. I feel special. Thank you for that. I really needed a little bit of happiness in my day. <3.
I feel bad about making you sneak out with me that one night, the very last one I had before I moved. I felt bad because me and B—- just compleatly ditched you, and that is a shitty thing to do. It’s like he expected something. That’s what I didn’t like about that night. He had a condom in his pocket. I was only sitting on his lap kissing him, when he mentions sex. He says he’d never pressure me to do anything.Yet, he was. I hate the fact that it seemed so well planned out. I also hated the fact he mentioned his ex. C’mon, seriously? I tried to act like I wasn’t upset from him expecting something that night, and talking about Her. Good thing no one can see if your crying in the dark.
I hate the fact that I don’t think like anyone else.
He would say one thing to me, and I would take it wrong and cry. He would say he meant this, and that, but I read into things too much, and think about it constatnly until I flip out. How lovely.
13 Reasons Why.
I think if I made a list, it’d go something like this;
1. Cameron.
2. Cameron.
3. Cameron.
4. Cameron.
5. Cameron.
6. My mom.
7. Cameron.
8. Cameron.
9. Cameron.
10. Cameron.
11. Cameron.
12. Cameron.
13. Cameron.
F.R.O.A.
Future.Rapists.Of.America. I remember this. I believe Megan made it up, freshman year. She was mad at David, for some reason, and she accused him of being in the FROA, (Prononuced “Fro-ah”). Then, me and Ayriel just started saying it, and people wanted to join the FROA. We even came up with a motto. “It’s not rape if you yell ‘Suprise’”. Good times.
I can’t help,
But read through all of our old conversations that I still have. How much of it was lies? Secrets you kept from me? How many times was it with her, really? How many girls? These are the questions I can’t help but ask myself as I lay in bed. Did you ever even really love me? You say you did. You said this was “Foreve_”. I don’ think foreve_ exists for me after what you did. Most things just didn’t seem to matter after I found out. I stopped going to church the day after I found out. I just can’t do it. I couldn’t do much of anything that weekend. I just layed in bed and cried. David and Becca helped me feel a little bit better. Now, they hate my guts. How fun. Everyone I ever get close to hates me and leaves me. How long are you gonna last, Brad?.
